Pressures of Parenthood . . .

I LOVE being a mother, let me put that out there right now. But man it's hard!

I've experienced a lot of pressure in my life. Some placed on me by others and other pressures placed on by myself. But I have never experienced the pressures you feel when you become a parent. When I was pregnant with Hayden I remember people asking if I was worried about labor. I never was. Labor comes and goes. It has to end sometime. What I remember feeling was worried and terrified to take him home. That's when the real labor happens. Those worries and fears never lessen. They just change :)

At first you are just worried about keeping this tiny being alive. Well I feel pretty confident in that area :). But now I worry about things like his development, his cognitive understanding, teaching him how to behave, thinking about when he is a teenager and making sure I've raised him in a way where he will make good decisions and so much more!

There is always a decision to be made. As simple as, my child is sick, should I take him to the doctor or let it ride out? Sounds silly and maybe its my OCD coming through, but simple decisions like this just weigh on me.

Since Sunday Hayd hasn't felt well. Well yesterday I get a call at work that he had a fever (fyi getting a phone call at work that your child is sick is awful, especially when you are a teacher and can't just leave!). I decided to take Hayd in. It worked out well, his doctor was great and did his 18 month check up at the same time. We discovered that Hayden had 2 ear infections . . . poor guy. But we spent majority of our time talking about possible tubes for Hayden. I guess he has a lot of fluid in his ears and it may be making sounds muffled to him, which would explain why he doesn't have very many words. Hayden if a very smart kid, he "talks" you ear off, it's just that many of his words are difficult to understand. His doctor isn't concerned with his speech. He said that he is very smart and inquisitive. Hayd kept asking him "was tis?" (what's this?) He has 6 - 10 words that are clear, but he is worried that his ears may be an issue.

I'm glad that we have this information, but now it just makes a new decision to be made. I know my decisions as a mother will never end. I don't mind making decisions, it's just so hard when this little person is counting on you. It's so much pressure!

I just have to keep telling myself, that Shane and I are doing a good job. We probably don't make all the right decisions (in fact I know we don't), but we have a happy, healthy, intelligent, talented boy and I know that I am being helped from my Heavenly Father to make the right decisions for my son.  I was so grateful for a sweet feeling I had while holding Hayden when he was first born. I had a sudden understanding, that this child was not mine. He is Heavenly Father's child and I get the pleasure to love, watch over and care for him, but Heavenly Father is going to make sure that his purpose in this life is accomplished. I know that if I trust in the Lord and listen to his promptings, I will be able to care for Hayden how He wants me to care for him. That is a very comforting feeling. Especially on days when I am faced with big decisions.

This parent thing isn't easy, but it is SO worth it!

We go back to the doctor next week to do another test and see if the fluid is gone. If not, we'll go to an ENT doctor and see where we go from there! Always an adventure! :)