Grateful . . .

Couple nights ago I got frustrated! I mean really frustrated. Life has been crazy! And I feel a little out of control. Not a feeling I like to experience. Nothing bad is happening. Just crazy! I feel like I have WAY to much to accomplish in a single day. I know many people feel this way, but I feel like I have two normal people's lives jammed into 1 . . . mine. I mean I work full time, meaning I am away from home about 10 hours a day. This doesn't excuse me from all the obligations I have being a mother and wife. Which include all the normal things like laundry, keeping my house in order and clean, cooking a meal for my family each night and all the other things. What I feel frustrated about (especially last night) is not in doing all those things (I actually enjoy them), but in finding the time to do them. I mean I work all day and then when Hayden goes to bed around 7, my second job starts and I have less time to do it in than most. I may be way off, I don't mean to offend any one out there reading this. It's just really hard being a working mom and finding the time to do the things that are important to me. And on top of it, I have this side business that keeps me busy, trying to make extra money for my family. It's just all too much some days!

Well, going back to the other night. I totally lost it! All these feelings of frustration boiled up and exploded! And I said something I regret. I said to Shane, "I hate my life right now!". I instantly felt horrible. I knew it wasn't true. I don't hate my life. I'm just frustrated. I realized right than how ungrateful I sounded.

So, to turn this sad, pity party around :) . . . since that night I've been thinking about all the things I have to be grateful. Here are just a few of the major ones (in no particular order) . . .

1. Shane . . . My life would not be complete without him. He puts up with my craziness without thinking twice. Seriously he is a saint. I couldn't get through my day without him. He is my best friend and the love of my life.

2. Hayden . . . He is the light of my life and the reason I get up every morning and do what I do. He has given my life a new purpose. He adds excitement, challenge, and growth to my life.

3. My job . . . now saying that I am grateful for my job, really shows growth :). People that know me well, know how hard it is for me to go to work every day and leave Hayden. But over the last couple of months I've realized that I need to be grateful for my job. I still wish and pray that I will be home some day. But I am grateful for a job that allows me to do something that I am good at and take care of my family without depending on the government or anyone else.

4. The gospel . . . I am grateful for the truth and light it brings to my life. Everything good in my life started with the gospel. I am grateful for the opportunity of an eternal family it provides me and how it pushes me daily to be a better person.

5. My home . . . it's not much but it keeps me warm :)

6. My family . . . I am so grateful to have so much family so close to us. Both Shane and my family live only an hour away (except my mom and dad). And they are such great supports. I have to give a shout out to my mom and dad who are so selfless and will come all the way from St. Louis at the drop of a hat if we need them. We would not have survived when Hayden was so sick for those weeks without my mom coming to help. Love you!

7. My health and the health of my family . . . a few years ago (coming up on 5 to be exact) I found out I had melanoma skin cancer. I was terrified! Everything is fine now, but ever since then I HATE going to the doctor. I've had a few scares since then, but all in all things have been good and I am grateful! Hayden was sick a couple weeks ago, throwing up every 24 hours and we didn't know why. When you hear MRI and brain tumor associated with your baby you start to freak out. Again, we've figured out the problem and everything is fine and I am ESPECIALLY grateful for that!

These are just a few of the things I am grateful for. I love my life and have many things to be grateful for. I hope this next year I can keep focus on those things and not let the day to day stresses affect me so much.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!