The verdict is in . . .

Well we went to the ENT doctor this morning and we have some answers about Hayden's ears. I am grateful we have answers, they just aren't the answers I was hoping for.

I had prepared myself for the fact that Hayden was going to need tubes because of the amount of fluid in his ears. I was ready to hear that. I was not ready to discover the affect it has had on his poor little ears. Before we saw the ENT, Hayden had some hearing tests done. This was more upsetting to me than anything. I had to sit and hold my baby boy while he had headphones placed in his ears and a woman in another room spoke to him. I could hear her talking to Hayden and he didn't move at all to her voice. It wasn't until he saw lights that he looked to where the sound was coming. That was in his right ear. His left ear was better. It was taking everything I had not to start crying because I knew my son couldn't hear her talking. We did a few more tests and then spoke with the ladies doing the tests. Luckily, I heard better news than what I was preparing myself to hear. They basically said that because there was so much fluid in Hayden's ears (more on the right, than the left) he couldn't hear much. The sounds waves couldn't get through all the fluid. So while this means that, right now, my son can't hear much of anything, it also means that we don't know for sure if there is permanent hearing damage. We will have to wait and see after the fluid is gone.

Next, we went into the ENT and he told us that Hayden really needs to get tubes because the fluid in his inner ear was pulling his ear drum and stretching it to the point that it could make a hole and permanent damage. Also, there is a good chance that he will need his adenoids out because they are most likely infected and causing the fluid in his ears.

So what does all this mean? It means that Hayden will need surgery in the next month to put in tubes and take out his adenoids. Best case scenario the surgery will take care of everything and he will be a happy healthy boy with no permanent hearing loss. We will have to wait and see if any damage has occurred from fluid sitting in his ears.

Like I said, I am glad that we have answers, but I am sad I didn't know. I know that I shouldn't, but I feel guilty that I didn't fix this sooner for Hayden. For a couple months now I have been questioning Hayden's hearing and wondering if there was something more happening. Everyone kept telling me, oh he's fine, stop worrying, boys talk later than girls. But I knew. I am his mother and I knew there was more to it. I will be better for advocating for my child in future. I know that it hasn't been long since I started feeling this way. I haven't let it go on long, but I will no longer question my instincts as a mother. I will not let someone tell me differently when I know something about my child.

This morning I prayed only about Hayden. I prayed that we would know what to do and feel peace about our decision. Tonight I will pray that I can feel peace about the outcome. That everything will be okay and there will be no permanent side effects.